tossed about

I feel like a wave tossed about in the ocean.  Unsteady.  Out of control.  Strangely, it's not the worst place to be.  But it is definitely uncomfortable.

My good friend Erin needs your prayers.  She is battling some wicked cancer.  You can follow her journey here if you would like.  She is amazing.  And her family is amazing.  I know God can use this situation for His glory.  And so does she.  I am praying that His plan matches up to ours.

Change is inevitable.  I just wish it was not so painful.  I am thankful for my family, and for my health.  Both are an amazing gift from God, and I pray I never take either for granted.

How bad do you want it?

Once again, I have a ton to say.  But I do not want to babble on incessantly.  So I will have to file some topics away for discussion at a later time.
One thing I will come back to once I have done a little more with it is all natural beauty products.  I want to try using some homemade (read: cheap) beauty products.  So far, I am looking at shampoo, face wash, and hand scrub.  I am curious to see where this will go.  I am not sure if it will be life altering, or just a fad that I will have outgrown by next month. But I will keep you posted.
Mostly what is on my mind these days is weight loss.  I started weight watchers about 10 weeks ago.  So far, I have lost 10 lb.  That is over 5% of my body weight, which I feel pretty good about.  But, if I am being honest, I know I have not tried my hardest.  And I still look in the mirror and get depressed.
And so, recently, I have started asking myself "how bad do you want it?"  This question refers to the weight loss, not whatever I am thinking of eating or doing at the moment.  It stands to reason that if I stop and reflect on how badly I want to achieve a specific goal, it should motivate me to work harder to reach said goal.
And what it boils down to is: I want it badly.  I want to wear clothes confidently, not always tugging at this or trying to hide that.  I want to feel attractive for my husband.  I want to stop staring at my stomach when I pass a mirror.
A while back, my friend posted a picture of me on facebook.  I was standing in between three gorgeous ladies, all taller than me with amazing figures.  And I was short and dumpy looking.  The picture literally made me cry.

This is what I refer back to when I feel that losing weight requires too much discipline.  I am tired of being ashamed.
I need to lose 8 lb to reach 10%.  I really want to do this by New Years.
How bad do you want it?